Yakima Mom

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Archive for the tag “Reflection”

Back in the Saddle Again

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Thanks to fitnews.com

I’ve been temporarily employed since mid-February. It’s been good work, though the allowed 650 hours/6 month limit has always been looming, just out of the corner of my eye. My boss has encouraged me to keep looking for a permanent job, even though she’s happy to have me till July or so.

Right after my layoff in January, I did look. A lot. I put in applications at just about every hiring non-profit in the area. Most of the jobs weren’t a perfect fit, but they were jobs. With kids in parochial schools and one headed off to the UW this fall, finding a regular, permanent job is pretty important.

I got called for a few interviews. A couple were for jobs I didn’t really want. A couple others were for positions that sounded really good. One was for the career of my dreams.

I got called back for final interviews. I felt confident. 30 people narrowed down to three. I got a new skirt and wore pumps. I was a perfect fit.

Both times, the organizations chose someone else. Someone with more experience, a particular degree… One of the places didn’t even call to tell me. I found out on facebook.

And through these, “You’re good, but not good enough,” experiences, I’ve gotten a little leery of putting myself out there. I quit scouring the employment ads daily, told myself I was just keeping my ears open.

Problem is, I’m working from home. Most of what my ears catch all day is the dogs barking at passers by.

But the summer-like weather has reminded me that the season is indeed on it’s way. The job I have right now, working at my computer while still in my pajamas, will soon be coming to the end. So today I sent in two more applications. New openings that weren’t there a couple months ago.

I’m back in the saddle.

Ye haw. Ho hum.

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Untitled

There is no title for this post. It is too scattered, too random.

The neighbor “Boy” is playing his guitar in his garage. He’s 17. He thinks his future career is in music.

The chords-especially the long low ones- vibrate through my windows, nearly an acre away.

I don’t mind.

He is 17. His gorgeous blonde hair is dyed black. He has big dreams.

I have pictures of him when he is three or four, digging in the dirt with our boys. Cherry juice smeared across their faces.

Our oldest son is in New Orleans. He’s gone on an “Immersion;” a school-based service trip.

He’ll be gone all week. He leaves for University in just a few, short months.

Our daughter is on the couch, doing homework. She’s disappointed because I won’t take her driving right now.

She’s 15. She already drove 45 minutes today. I say I’m done for the day, I am relaxing now.

She says I can relax while she drives.

Ha.

I am feeling like I have missed something… that I’m not quite the parent that I believed I was.

I am not as good as I thought I was.

I’m sorry. I DID say this was pretty random.

This letting go is so hard.

What would you do…

You know how you see posters and magnets with quotes of something someone said?

WWJD?

Been there, done that.

Yada, yada, yada…

Initially, each one was a great thought, or at least a good one, but after being made into t-shirts and inspirational posters and such, it became trite. Which is a shame, but, I guess, the price one must pay for fame.

“What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”

That one speaks to me, but is becoming ubiquitous in blogs and walls. Even my boss’ office has a little sticker or plaque with the question.

What would you do, if you knew you could not fail?

I had an interview this week, and I think it went well. I should know by the end of the week whether or not I move on to the finals (sort of my own little March Madness going on). I was feeling pretty positive and hopeful.

And then I happened to sit down with a friend and we talked about what we felt were our “callings.” Those ideas that fill us with passion, and–at least for me–feel like what I’m supposed to be doing here, on earth.

And now, I wonder about the job for which I just interviewed. It sounds like a good job. It would be secure, and I think, pay fairly well, which is an important consideration, with the first of three children heading off to college this fall. But it’s not what I feel I’m here to accomplish. And now, i almost hope I don’t move on to the finals. Almost.

If it weren’t for the responsibilities of reality, would I answer the calling?

What would I do, if I knew I could not fail?

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