Yakima Mom

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Archive for the tag “Loss”

Mother’s Day-Revisited

Ever since I became a mother, 20 years ago, I’ve considered this “holiday” second only to Christmas and Easter. We mothers do a lot, day in and day out, and are rarely thanked for any of it. Anf015aadfb3950e3f1bde4ea8eed9717ed that’s okay, at least for me, because I happily signed up for it. But it is nice to have a day set aside just for us.

When I was a Cub Scout and Girl Scout leader, I was driven to have my charges make unique keepsakes that their mamas (many of whom were my friends as well) would cherish. We sponge painted flower pots, made alphabet bead creations, and baked. We sprouted seeds, made planters, and created cards. Mother’s Day is, after all, one of the most special days of the year!

My own family has taken me to one of may favorite nurseries each Mother’s Day for the past decade or so, where we spent ridiculous amounts of money on flowers and plants and statuary. We’d then return home, where I’d putter about the yard and my pots, transplanting and watering and in general having a thoroughly enjoyable day. And then we’d eat together… most often take and bake pizza,,, and I’d go to bed a happy mama.

But the loss of my own mother this past year has me far off balance. Everywhere I go, I am reminded of her absence; the card displays and bouquets in the grocery store, signs shouting: Remember Mom!, the commercials… they almost seem to taunt. My mama is gone.

We usually took her to the nursery with us, and my husband always bought her a very nice basket or planter that she’d say was too much, but he would just insist, “It’s Mother’s Day.” And she would help me in the yard, until that got too difficult, and then she would watch me from the deck and maybe help with the pots…

I’m not doing the nursery this year. I don’t want to do anything this year.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mama. I love you. ❤

 

 

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I Know it’s No Excuse, but…

Dear WordPress,

I am sorry, but I’ve been avoiding you.

It’s nothing personal, really. It’s completely about me; you’ve been terrific.

It’s just that I’ve been so … fragile, lately.

I can blame it on my temporary employment position… which cam as a result of a LAY-OFF, which is certainly capable of making one feel, um, less-than-great. But it’s not that.

Not really.

It’s that this time, this Spring/Summer, is so momentous for me.

I’m going from “mothering” one of my babies… his arrival being one of the most magnificent, glorious, wonderful things that ever happened TO ME…  to–well, whatever it is you become when your kid grows up and flies away from the nest.

And all I feel like posting is how huge this is, and how proud i am, and how scared i am, and how READY he is…

and I feel a little bad for my other two babies, who don’t seem to make the headlines so often.

And so I’ve just not posted. I’ve not told you he’s going to the University of Washington, which he considered his “fallback” school. I’ve not told you how hard it really is to get in there, and that I’m trying to convince him that getting accepted is an accomplishment.

He had his hopes set on Dartmouth. Or maybe Boston College.

It was a really tough year to get in.

He’s coming around. He wants to join a fraternity. I think he’s realizing it’s the beginning of a big adventure.

It’s the beginning of HIS life.

And it feels like the end of mine.

And so, this is why I’ve been neglectful of you, dear WordPress. And to you, my few faithful followers.

I’ve already told you how hard this is. You probably don’t want to hear it again.

I know I will survive this.

I’m just not sure how.

#apieformikey

photo by http://mybakingheart.com/

Are you a person who “feels hard?” In situations where someone else might say, “Oh that’s so sad!” you are moved to tears? I have always been one of those, and a couple of my kids are too. We’re sensitive…perhaps to a fault, because socially, it’s not ok to just burst out crying when you see a dog get hit by a car or hear of someone else’s tragic misfortune.

I must say, Prozac has helped me with this. I’m not depressed; I love my life. But I really have to be careful and filter out a lot of the “bad”, because it can get almost paralyzing. As I flipped through twitter this morning, I kept seeing #apieformikey on a lot of tweets. so I investigated a bit. Within minutes I had the story.

Jennie, a successful food blogger, married and mother of two adorable girls, suddenly lost her husband Mike to a heart attack this past Sunday. I don’t know her, but they look to be late 30s-40-ish. I think the girls are 4 and 8. There was no warning. Looking through her stream, I saw she had tweeted Sunday that she had 13 days to get ready for a family vacation, then the next tweet was how she couldn’t believe he was gone.

Until today I had not followed Jennie. Didn’t even know about her. But her story set me back this morning. Especially the quick video of dad and daughter that she at some point had taken a moment to record on her phone. Take a look. How treasured has that suddenly become?

To help Jennie and her girl’s through their grief hundreds of people are following her wish: “make a peanut butter pie this Friday and share it with someone you love… then hug them like there’s no tomorrow because today is the only guarantee we can count on.”

On my surprise day off (thanks, boss), I am deeply saddened, perhaps more than most. But I am also reminded how important today is and how we all need to let those we love know just how much we love them.

Blessings to you, Jennie.

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