Yakima Mom

All Things Mom

Mother’s Day-Revisited

Ever since I became a mother, 20 years ago, I’ve considered this “holiday” second only to Christmas and Easter. We mothers do a lot, day in and day out, and a rarely thanked for any of it. Anf015aadfb3950e3f1bde4ea8eed9717ed that’s okay, at least for me, because I happily signed up for it. But it is nice to have a day set aside just for us.

When I was a Cub Scout and Girl Scout leader, I was driven to have my charges make unique keepsakes that their mamas (many of whom were my friends as well) would cherish. We sponge painted flower pots, made alphabet bead creations, and baked. We sprouted seeds, made planters, and created cards. Mother’s Day is, after all, one of the most special days of the year!

My own family has taken me to one of may favorite nurseries each Mother’s Day for the past decade or so, where we spent ridiculous amounts of money on flowers and plants and statuary. We’d then return home, where I’d putter about the yard and my pots, transplanting and watering and in general having a thoroughly enjoyable day. And then we’d eat together… most often take and bake pizza,,, and I’d go to bed a happy mama.

But the loss of my own mother this past year has me far off balance. Everywhere I go, I am reminded of her absence; the card displays and bouquets in the grocery store, signs shouting: Remember Mom!, the commercials… they almost seem to taunt. My mama is gone.

We usually took her to the nursery with us, and my husband always bought her a very nice basket or planter that she’d insist was too much, but he would just insist, “It’s Mother’s Day.” And she would help me in the yard, until that got too difficult, and then she would watch me from the deck and maybe help with the pots…

I’m not doing the nursery this year. I don’t want to do anything this year.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mama. I love you. <3

 

 

Mama 3

Sunday

The nurses didn’t think we’d still be here. I was pretty certain myself, but then I was pretty certain that it would be Saturday afternoon, then Saturday night. I’m done making predictions.

I feel a little sorry for myself when I’m here alone, but then want my husband to leave when he comes. There is no sense to my feelings… anger, agitation, the urge to tell people to be quiet, that the nurses shouldn’t chew gum. But none of it really matters because none of it will change anything.

Here are some more new things I’ve learned: As the body shuts down, there is often a fever. My mom had a fever in the hospital, but it was from a bladder infection from the catheter. It’s a different fever now, and though her face feels cool-ish, her temperature is 102.4.

After the body stops producing urine, it usually takes about 24 hours to pass. She had her stroke seven days ago, got one little bottle of saline in the hospital, and yet she is still making urine.

Mom had another comeback this afternoon. Her breathing speeded back up a bit, and her feet, which had been a little cool, got toasty. Now it’s almost 7:00 PM, and her feet are cool and her breathing is getting noisy and irregular again.rose

I can not leave her alone to die. I don’t think she knows I’m here anymore, but I can’t leave her. She lay on the floor of her apartment for two nights before being found. Alone. She won’t have to leave her alone, too.

 

 

 

 

Mama 2

My house is a mess. I am remodeling the kitchen with the money left to me from Mom. Of all things to spend it on, I know she would be very pleased with this, as we plotted and planned for years what I might someday do with the space. She is happy.

Saturday

I have watched two people leave this place followed by their families who look drained and hollow. I thought yesterday would be the day. She is tough.

 There was a ladybug in a hospital window earlier this week. I don’t think the window could even be opened, and I wondered how she found herself there, in a CCU conference room. I watched her for a bit before I got her to crawl onto my hand and then took her down the stairs and outside. It took a few seconds to get her to leave me and climb onto some flowers I offered. And I thought… This is something.

Image

I have just about finished the obituary. There are a few early details I just don’t know, like when my parents moved from new York to Alaska, where they settled in Alaska, and what my deseaced brother’s middle name was.  

Here are some new things I do know: The human body can go a week without any calories. Eye drops in your mouth can help prevent the formation of saliva. Seasickness patches behind the ear can too. When people have a head injury, or even Parkinson’s or Alzheimers, they can appear very close to death and then sort of improve a little bit. Apparently it may have something to do with the mental part of letting go. Mom is going with this last on a lot.

 

 

 

 

Post Navigation